Many students today feel like they are already falling behind by the age of 20, even though it’s only the very beginning of adult life. Even if, logically, this doesn’t make much sense, the feeling has become very common and quietly shapes how people see themselves and their future.
One reason is the environment we live in. Social media constantly exposes us to early success: quick results, personal projects, fast growth. Even if this isn’t typical, these are the stories we remember. Over time, it starts to feel like this is the norm — anything less speedy feels like you’re behind.
At the same time, the idea of a “life path” has changed. It used to be more predictable: education, work, gradual stability. Now there are many more options, and that freedom brought uncertainty. There’s no one clear direction to follow anymore. Moreover, as you hesitate, you already lag behind. That is the idea. Viewed as such, any mistake becomes a blunder. Small pauses — if allowed at all — feel like doing something unutterably wrong.
Already at 18-19, I started to feel like I had missed something or was somehow late. Even when I am studying and technically “on track,” there is still this feeling that I should be doing something else, like ‘maybe this isn’t really for me’. It begins to feel like I’m wasting time studying and should already be somewhere further ahead. There is a constant tension between where I am now and where I feel like I should be.
Over time, it became clear that this feeling is not unique. I have talked about this a lot with my friends, and it turns out that many of them feel the same way. Many are not sure that the profession they chose is actually right for them, and studying often feels less like a real choice and more like something you’re just supposed to get through.
This is partly because the direct link between education and work has become weaker. In the past, you studied for a specific profession and then worked in that field. Now that transition isn’t so clear anymore. More and more people change directions or choose something completely different after university. On the one hand, this gives more flexibility. On the other hand, it makes it harder to feel like you’re on the “right” path.
Another factor is that we mostly see results, not the process. Behind stories of early success, things like starting conditions, support, connections, and failures are usually invisible. As a result, the picture we see is often incomplete and a bit misleading.
This also affects how we see ourselves. When you are constantly exposed to other people’s achievements, it becomes hard to compare them to your own reality in a fair way. It starts to feel like those results exist, but not really for you. And then the problem is no longer that you haven’t done enough, but that you begin to doubt whether it is even possible for you at all.
As a result, the feeling of falling behind becomes constant. It influences decisions, lowers confidence, and slowly shifts the focus from your own path to other people’s results.
It is important to understand that this is not about actually falling behind, but about perception. Everyone moves at a different pace, and there is no age by which you’re supposed to have everything figured out. But in a situation of constant comparison and lack of clear direction, this feeling becomes almost inevitable.
Perhaps the most reasonable thing to do is to stop constantly measuring yourself against others and focus more on your own path. You are already in the process — and that, in itself, is enough to keep moving forward.
Eva Kanarskaya
Photo: