It seems that day after day, we watch the progression of the people around us. Those who have come before us and those who have only just begun their journey behind us. They are graduating university, working nine-to-five jobs, earning billions, and traveling around the world. The point is, they seem to be living their best lives. Then you start to question. “What am I actually doing with my life?” “Am I doing enough?” Time seems to be passing you by, and with the numerous hours it has to offer, yours seem to be wasting away. You feel stagnant, clueless, and overwhelmed. “When will my success ever be attained?” But really, what’s the rush?
I know that social standards have taught us that success is money, fame, and love completely achieved in a seamless algorithm – all before an early age. While media icons such as Kylie Jenner and Mark Zuckerberg have set the bar high, their names and works speak volumes on their behalf. Or to bring it even closer to home, your coursemate Lisa, who has managed to secure a job and a man in her early twenties. That is not to say that these individuals have set in stone the definition of success. Like Marlon Wayans said “Success is not the destination, but the road that you’re on. Being successful means that you’re working hard and walking your walk every day. You can only live your dream by working hard towards it. That’s living your dream.”No one gets to say what your success should look like.
We sometimes wonder why, no matter how hard we try, we just can’t get what the next person has. Well, the answer is simple: it’s not yours. Comparison is the poison that blurs your vision. While it can stimulate the process of motivation and learning, a larger part of it can lead to low self-esteem, envy, and jealousy, unrealistic expectations, and most importantly, inhibition of growth. As a result of excessive comparison, individuals may tend to fall into risk aversion and a reluctance to take on challenges for fear of falling short compared to others. The sooner we understand that life is not a one-size-fits-all, the quicker we will flow into our unique patterns. Don’t be too quick to attain short-term results based on the achievements of others but rather work to acquire permanent fulfilment and wholesomeness. Though it’s an overused cliché, do trust the process.
Sometimes part of the process will be “I don’t know what I’m doing.” and guess what, that does not make you a failure, “Why?” Because periods of uncertainty and cluelessness are a normal and, I believe, crucial part of human life because they bring value to discovering your passion. Three things that can help you through this time are acceptance and acknowledgement that uncertainty is inevitable. This will help to reduce any anxiety and/or stress levels. Secondly, seek support. Reach out to loved ones who have been through similar situations before. Being around them could create the positive energy that you need while catering for the option of bringing about viable solutions. You could also take the professional route of talking to a therapist, depending on your level of comfort. Remember that silence will do you more harm than good. The last and most important point is to be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with compassion and patience. Daily affirm yourself because what you say to yourself matters.
The ideology that you must have achieved a specific brand of living by a certain age is both pressuring and oppressive. In order for us to have fulfilling lives, we must be open to transforming our perspectives. Realising that we are the authors of what defines our success and not compromising ourselves regardless of the pressures surrounding us.
Vongai Mataswa
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