“Boys Don’t Cry” but they do kill themselves

Suicide Awareness. Information presented in this work may be triggering to some people.

“I tried to laugh about it, cover it all up with lies (…) hiding the tears in my eyes. ‘Cause boys don’t cry” – wrote British band The Cure, in their 1979 hit. The song which later became a worldwide phenomenon and plunged the gothic-emo-punky look, turned into an anthem for countless of men around the world who already had this internalized idiotic idea and had gotten a tune to go along with it.

Somehow, 43 years later, in this – much more accepting society – a man breaking down still feels like a spectacle.

And before any men reading this say something like: “I do cry” … Yeah, we know Robert. Do you want a star sticker for acting like a natural human being?

In fact, studies show that men cry an average of 11 times a year, around 4 times less than women¹. Other studies showed that the most common reasons that had men weeping were sports, heartbreak, a beloved pet’s death and losing someone², which is completely weird to think, like winning the World Cup is more likely to make men cry than their grandma’s death (?)

Some “macho” men even go beyond that, admitting they haven’t cried in years, which for the sake of their Andrew Tatetian idea of masculinity, we’ll say we believe them.

It seems like sensitivity has paid the price of machismo.

As they say, it is a man’s world and normally men would be incredibly happy to know that they beat women in yet another thing, except this time it is not an ego-fulfilling statistic. In recent years there has been a great increase in the number of men who end their lives prematurely through suicide. It’s two freaking times higher than women³, more so in some countries. So yeah, boys don’t cry, but they do kill themselves quite often.

And while women get countless of vlogs, podcasts and articles for mental health issues, men only get to man up. It’s not that men have a small number of exclusive resources for help, they almost don’t have any. Well, that makes sense when you realize that most of ads regarding mental health are aimed at women. From the fonts, to the language, to the advice. We are letting – for the first time – men down.

And you may be thinking, oh just “seek help”. How the hell are they gonna seek help if they are not even allowed to show emotions!? And when they do, they’re mostly repressed. It’s just severe stress (the misdiagnosis is worrisome). You don’t have severe stress, my friend, you have depression. Let’s just be clear and call it the way it is. It’s not that hard is it health professionals?

Then again, when a woman talks about her struggle with mental health, she’s relatable and real. When a man does, he’s… brave? The mere dramatization may even drive more men to self-treating themselves with a couple of vodkas instead of seeking professional help to avoid the spotlight of unwanted attention, for admitting they have, a now extremely common issue in a society that has still not woken up to the problem.

So, what now? After 2020, the spikes are causing a fret. There are so many things we can do, but we seem to not be doing any of them. At least let’s start to check on our male friends as we do on our girlies because even though I’m a firm believer that men are the root of many of our problems, this time they may need our help, even if they’ll never admit it.

Laura Montoya Gonzalez del Riego

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